Two go out, one comes back

To me this is a funny story, but my wife is both amused and appalled by it. For an all-american-boy-next-door, I think I had some unusual experiences growing up. But who knows, maybe they're not that unusual.

But before I get started...ever see the old Bugs Bunny cartoons? In one, Daffy is trying to scare Elmer Fudd's dog so he won't go hunting with Elmer. He tells him hunting is when "two go out and one comes back, if you know what I mean!" {Elmer is going to shoot the dog}

As I've mentioned, we lived in a semi-rural area, a block or so from my grandma's tiny store. To get to our house you had to go up the hill on the dirt road next to her store and we lived at the bottom of the hill on the other side. Every once in a while she would call us at night because she thought someone was breaking into her store (she lived behind it). We didn't waste time calling the police. Instead my dad would load his handgun and tell me to put on my shoes--we were going into action!

My dad's SWAT tactics were always the same. We'd walk to the top of the hill together and then he would sneak around the back of the store on the right side (in the dark) while my job was to walk down the road (towards the only street light in the neighborhood) kicking rocks, making noise and drawing the attention of the criminals.

As I walked down the road, I always thought about that cartoon--two go out, one comes back. It worried me a little. There I was walking towards Lord knows what and thinking that even if there were no criminals, my crazy father might shoot me by accident. I'm happy to say that never happened. I'm also happy to say I never drew the attention of anyone actually dangerous (at least not related to this story). A few times there were teenagers outside the store and they ran when they heard me coming. But we did encounter one interesting drunk fellow. I was only 11 or 12, but I knew he had to be drunk because he kept pointing at me and yelling, "I'm not afraid of that young buck! I'm not afraid of you." That was crazy! For one thing, I was 12 at the most. More importantly, my father was standing there pointing a gun at him!!! But his big concern was making sure I knew he wasn't afraid of ME???? He had to be drunk.

Unfortunately, the next day the guy followed me from the bus stop in his car, yelling at me the whole time. I ignored him until we got to the railroad tracks. Then I walked down the tracks (away from my house) to put some distance between us. Being the weird little kid that I was, I headed away from my house because I didn't want him to see where I lived. I saw him again the next day, but this time he just slowed down enough to ask "are we cool?" I shrugged and said "sure" and then never saw him again. Thank goodness!

That was an interesting experience. Okay, it was weird! But it changed nothing. The next time my grandmother called in a possible 3-11 (burglary in progress), my dad and I queued up the SWAT theme music (jk about that part) and sprang into action!

PS - In case you are wondering where my older brothers were during these adventures--me too!!! Somehow I always ended up being my dad's partner in crime fighting. Maybe I should have titled this post "Starsky & Hutch" instead!!! LOL