On Saturday night the family watched "Scared Shrekless". Not great, but it was cute. In one of the short stories, Pinocchio climbed up the wall and across the ceiling. I assumed that was a sign he was "possesed" by some Disney spirit. Then I wondered if a similar thought had crossed my dad's mind, many years ago.
When I was young, I had trouble getting to sleep. Well, I continue to have that problem. But when I was 8 it was more likely to get me into trouble. Some nights I would sneak behind my dad's chair to watch the news--until he noticed me and sent me back to bed. Other nights I practiced an activity my brothers and I used to do for competitive fun on rainy days. The hallway outside our bedroom was no wider than the door, so if we pushed one hand against one wall and the other hand against the other wall, we could lift ourselves off the ground. Once we started using our feet we could actually climb up to the ceiling.
One night after my dad went to bed, I was feeling restless and decided to visit the ceiling to see how long I could hold myself up. While I was up there, looking down at the floor, I heard my dad get out of bed. I knew I didn't have time to climb down, so I stayed up there, hoping he wouldn't see me. Of course the first thing he did as he walked out of his bedroom was look up. I scared the heck out of him!!! Tonight I realized I must have looked like a possessed Pinocchio in the dim light of the hallway. Sorry dad {but at least it helped you figure out how all those little finger prints got on the wall up near the ceiling}.
At the time, I thought him making me wash every wall in the house as punishment was a bit of an over-reaction. But maybe not--it did keep me from ever doing it again. And to this day I can't stand to see someone touching a wall with dirty hands. LOL!
Happy Halloween folks!!!
Warning: Don't try this at home! Little kids are very light and walls can handle the force required to lift their tiny bodies. If I tried that maneuver today, the sheetrock would give way--and I would get seriously hurt!!!.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Halloween: a Gun and a Girl
Guess which one was most dangerous.
It was an interesting Halloween night--I was 14 at the time. I decided I was too old to trick or treat, but too young to stay in. So after re-stocking drinks in my grandma’s store, I headed for the nearby sub-division to meet up with friends. It was a quarter-mile walk in the pitch black. Perfect for a spooky night. I never would have guessed what awaited me.
As I neared the subdivision, I heard a commotion near one of the houses. I rounded the corner of the house and saw a man in his 30’s pointing a very shiny handgun at four boys who were huddled together. I was out in the open and he pointed the gun at me briefly. Without thinking about it, I continued walking normally, gestured towards the kids and asked, “What did they do?“, as if I was not a kid myself. He turned the gun back towards them. I walked over next to him and he explained his mother’s house had been egged—and he was tired of her being harassed. I introduced myself as the grandson of the woman who ran the little store down the road (everyone knew her). I told him I’d talked with his mom many times, she was a nice lady (she wasn’t), and I was really sorry it happened (I was).
Then I turned to the only one of the accused I knew:
Me: Andy, did you and your friends throw the eggs?
Andy: No.
Me: Do you know who did?
Andy: We saw guys running that way just before we got here.
Me: Okay, you two go look for the other guys and try to get names. You two help Mr. Wilson clean the egg off his mom’s house.
Mr. Wilson put his gun away, apologized to me for losing his temper, and then they all did what I told them to do. Thank goodness!!! That’s when I realized if you act confident, people will usually cooperate. It all happened so quickly, I didn’t have time to get nervous. But I did feel shaky as I went in search of my friends. That’s when I encountered the girl.
She and I had recently started talking on the bus and at school. I had just started this new thing where I actually talked with people. It was a conscious decision to change my behavior. I’d been VERY reserved up until then. She was dressed as a flapper for Halloween. Being a gentleman, I offered her my coat. She didn’t accept--she didn't want to hide her fringe. We talked, walked with the group, and looked out for the little ones. When it was time to head home, she wanted to tell me something. We walked off to get some privacy. She said her family was moving out of state that weekend and she wanted to kiss me good-bye. It was quite an experience—my first real kiss. I didn’t have anything to compare it to, but it was nice. My opinion on that would change later.
Soon, I wasn’t feeling great. By Thanksgiving I had pneumonia, which led to the discovery that I also had mononucleosis and an enlarged spleen. One of the flapper’s friends confirmed she had mono when she kissed me. I was very sick. Our doctor wanted to put me in the hospital, but my parents were frugal regarding health care (you did not want to be one of our pets). I didn’t return to school until January--there were rumors at school that I'd died. =) I wasn’t supposed to exert myself, but I joined the wrestling team. Boys have no sense!
Was it sweet that she snuck out of her house to kiss me goodbye? Or was it thoughtless to give me mono? After being so sick, I decided it was the latter. Oh well, at least it was a memorable first kiss--and it was kind of awesome to get a month off from school. See, boys have no sense!!! ;P
When you read the title, would you have guessed the girl would turn out to be more dangerous than the gun??? LOL!
It was an interesting Halloween night--I was 14 at the time. I decided I was too old to trick or treat, but too young to stay in. So after re-stocking drinks in my grandma’s store, I headed for the nearby sub-division to meet up with friends. It was a quarter-mile walk in the pitch black. Perfect for a spooky night. I never would have guessed what awaited me.
As I neared the subdivision, I heard a commotion near one of the houses. I rounded the corner of the house and saw a man in his 30’s pointing a very shiny handgun at four boys who were huddled together. I was out in the open and he pointed the gun at me briefly. Without thinking about it, I continued walking normally, gestured towards the kids and asked, “What did they do?“, as if I was not a kid myself. He turned the gun back towards them. I walked over next to him and he explained his mother’s house had been egged—and he was tired of her being harassed. I introduced myself as the grandson of the woman who ran the little store down the road (everyone knew her). I told him I’d talked with his mom many times, she was a nice lady (she wasn’t), and I was really sorry it happened (I was).
Then I turned to the only one of the accused I knew:
Me: Andy, did you and your friends throw the eggs?
Andy: No.
Me: Do you know who did?
Andy: We saw guys running that way just before we got here.
Me: Okay, you two go look for the other guys and try to get names. You two help Mr. Wilson clean the egg off his mom’s house.
Mr. Wilson put his gun away, apologized to me for losing his temper, and then they all did what I told them to do. Thank goodness!!! That’s when I realized if you act confident, people will usually cooperate. It all happened so quickly, I didn’t have time to get nervous. But I did feel shaky as I went in search of my friends. That’s when I encountered the girl.
She and I had recently started talking on the bus and at school. I had just started this new thing where I actually talked with people. It was a conscious decision to change my behavior. I’d been VERY reserved up until then. She was dressed as a flapper for Halloween. Being a gentleman, I offered her my coat. She didn’t accept--she didn't want to hide her fringe. We talked, walked with the group, and looked out for the little ones. When it was time to head home, she wanted to tell me something. We walked off to get some privacy. She said her family was moving out of state that weekend and she wanted to kiss me good-bye. It was quite an experience—my first real kiss. I didn’t have anything to compare it to, but it was nice. My opinion on that would change later.
Soon, I wasn’t feeling great. By Thanksgiving I had pneumonia, which led to the discovery that I also had mononucleosis and an enlarged spleen. One of the flapper’s friends confirmed she had mono when she kissed me. I was very sick. Our doctor wanted to put me in the hospital, but my parents were frugal regarding health care (you did not want to be one of our pets). I didn’t return to school until January--there were rumors at school that I'd died. =) I wasn’t supposed to exert myself, but I joined the wrestling team. Boys have no sense!
Was it sweet that she snuck out of her house to kiss me goodbye? Or was it thoughtless to give me mono? After being so sick, I decided it was the latter. Oh well, at least it was a memorable first kiss--and it was kind of awesome to get a month off from school. See, boys have no sense!!! ;P
When you read the title, would you have guessed the girl would turn out to be more dangerous than the gun??? LOL!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Family Curse
Are there things that your family, in general, is really good at? Or really bad at? It could be anything. My family has both. I’ve worked to improve the bad, but one thing seems to be catching up to me. I think it may be the cause of my writer’s block. My family is almost universally bad at telling stories. If you think the knock-knock joke I wrote (when I was SIX) was bad, you should hear what passes for interesting at my family gatherings.
Rick: Hi Jim (no, not that one ;P). Anything interesting happen lately?
Jim: I cut a branch off the tree in my backyard. I didn’t have a pruning saw, so I used a regular handsaw.
Rick: Was the branch damaged or getting too big?
Jim: No, but the funniest thing happened. When my neighbor noticed me in the yard, he came over and said, “You know, that’s the wrong saw. You should be using a pruning saw.” I said, “I know, but I don’t have a pruning saw.” So then he went in his house. About 5 minutes later he comes back out.
Rick: Did he bring you a pruning saw?
Jim: No, he just sat there on his back porch. Why do you ask?
Jim told me “the funniest thing happened”. Did it? Is it me? Did I miss the funny part—and the point—of the story???
And there is the uncle (by marriage—the curse affects in-laws too) who has told me 250 times that his grandfather was from Saskatoon and the man once told him, “There are 2 types of Dutchmen—smart Dutchmen and stupid Dutchman.” And then he laughs (a-hent, a-hent, a-hent).
Why does he laugh about that? What was the point? At least he laughs about something.
Now I can feel myself becoming one of them (one of THEM!!!). What little story-telling ability I had is slipping away. Maybe it’s related to the fall lunar cycle—and temporary. The moon WILL be full tomorrow.
Just my luck! I don’t get a cool family curse that turns me into a werewolf (or an Aswang) a few nights a month. I get to be Toby (from The Office).
{sigh}
Rick: Hi Jim (no, not that one ;P). Anything interesting happen lately?
Jim: I cut a branch off the tree in my backyard. I didn’t have a pruning saw, so I used a regular handsaw.
Rick: Was the branch damaged or getting too big?
Jim: No, but the funniest thing happened. When my neighbor noticed me in the yard, he came over and said, “You know, that’s the wrong saw. You should be using a pruning saw.” I said, “I know, but I don’t have a pruning saw.” So then he went in his house. About 5 minutes later he comes back out.
Rick: Did he bring you a pruning saw?
Jim: No, he just sat there on his back porch. Why do you ask?
Jim told me “the funniest thing happened”. Did it? Is it me? Did I miss the funny part—and the point—of the story???
And there is the uncle (by marriage—the curse affects in-laws too) who has told me 250 times that his grandfather was from Saskatoon and the man once told him, “There are 2 types of Dutchmen—smart Dutchmen and stupid Dutchman.” And then he laughs (a-hent, a-hent, a-hent).
Why does he laugh about that? What was the point? At least he laughs about something.
Now I can feel myself becoming one of them (one of THEM!!!). What little story-telling ability I had is slipping away. Maybe it’s related to the fall lunar cycle—and temporary. The moon WILL be full tomorrow.
Just my luck! I don’t get a cool family curse that turns me into a werewolf (or an Aswang) a few nights a month. I get to be Toby (from The Office).
{sigh}
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Madam, you are mistaken!
Several times in my life I have been mistaken for someone else--once it was because of my name. Some woman called my house for weeks looking for that other Rick. But the "you look familiar" thing happens to everyone at some point. Usually it's someone who thinks you went to elementary school together, you used to date one of their friends, or that you were on the same team at some point. It never involves a former best friend or other really close relationship. Well, almost never.
Several years ago I was out shopping with the family in a small town just outside Baltimore. We decided to have an early dinner and stopped at a chain restaurant my wife likes. Since it was early the place was almost empty. Just as the hostess asked "how many" we heard a woman yell "What are you doing here?" We knew she wasn't talking to us, so we ignored her and followed the hostess to our table. As we looked over the menu, my wife whispered that the woman (who had shouted) and the older woman with her were both glaring at us.
After the waitress took our order, the woman stood up at her table and yelled at me "Jim, What are you doing here and who is that woman????" She was so mad she was shaking. I asked her if she was talking to me {but not like in "taxi driver"}. She squinted, took a few steps towards me and asked me to speak again. I told her I didn't know what she was talking about. She blushed and apologized. She said I looked just like her EX-HUSBAND and that both she and her mother thought I was him--Jim. Thank goodness I have a deeper voice than he does. They left pretty quickly after our exchange.
My wife has fun with this. Every once in a while she'll bring it up and say she wondered if I was going around pretending to be "Jim Kirk." Then she smirks a very pleased smirk. I don't mind being teased, but it does bother me a little to think there is someone out there who could be mistaken for me by his ex-wife and ex-mother-in-law. Because of her anger towards him, I thought of him as my evil twin. But really, I shouldn't have judged him by the reaction of an ex. He could be a great guy.
Maybe I'm the evil twin. ;P
PS-I shared this story once before. I'm sharing it again because it's one of my favorite stories that very few have read--plus I'm hoping it will help me get over a case of blogger's-block.
Several years ago I was out shopping with the family in a small town just outside Baltimore. We decided to have an early dinner and stopped at a chain restaurant my wife likes. Since it was early the place was almost empty. Just as the hostess asked "how many" we heard a woman yell "What are you doing here?" We knew she wasn't talking to us, so we ignored her and followed the hostess to our table. As we looked over the menu, my wife whispered that the woman (who had shouted) and the older woman with her were both glaring at us.
After the waitress took our order, the woman stood up at her table and yelled at me "Jim, What are you doing here and who is that woman????" She was so mad she was shaking. I asked her if she was talking to me {but not like in "taxi driver"}. She squinted, took a few steps towards me and asked me to speak again. I told her I didn't know what she was talking about. She blushed and apologized. She said I looked just like her EX-HUSBAND and that both she and her mother thought I was him--Jim. Thank goodness I have a deeper voice than he does. They left pretty quickly after our exchange.
My wife has fun with this. Every once in a while she'll bring it up and say she wondered if I was going around pretending to be "Jim Kirk." Then she smirks a very pleased smirk. I don't mind being teased, but it does bother me a little to think there is someone out there who could be mistaken for me by his ex-wife and ex-mother-in-law. Because of her anger towards him, I thought of him as my evil twin. But really, I shouldn't have judged him by the reaction of an ex. He could be a great guy.
Maybe I'm the evil twin. ;P
PS-I shared this story once before. I'm sharing it again because it's one of my favorite stories that very few have read--plus I'm hoping it will help me get over a case of blogger's-block.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Feats of strength
Like most little boys, I thought my dad was super-strong. I saw him lift things I couldn't budge, plus he had stories about doing what seemed impossible--like installing the monster air conditioner in our living room window all by himself. It was huge and weighed a ton.
So I grew up thinking I needed to be able to move or lift or fix anything by myself. It's what men do! Now it's become a running joke with my kids. Whenever I move something heavy, I tell my them to write it down as one of dad's "feats of strength". It's a joke because my kids know the next part of this story.
When I was 12, my folks bought a console tv. My oldest brother tried to pick it up, but it was too big. So that night my dad and I brought it home and we carried it into the house together. Ten years later I heard my dad telling the story about the night we got our first console TV. That son-of-a-gun told everyone HE carried it into the house all by himself. I thought "Liar!" But I just smiled and kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to take away his moment. Honesty is great, but sometimes it's nice to let people have their little illusions.
Hopefully some day my kids will do the same for me--if I ever claim credit for something NOT on that list they're keeping. LOL, who am I kidding! I'll never be able to get away with anything! =)
So I grew up thinking I needed to be able to move or lift or fix anything by myself. It's what men do! Now it's become a running joke with my kids. Whenever I move something heavy, I tell my them to write it down as one of dad's "feats of strength". It's a joke because my kids know the next part of this story.
When I was 12, my folks bought a console tv. My oldest brother tried to pick it up, but it was too big. So that night my dad and I brought it home and we carried it into the house together. Ten years later I heard my dad telling the story about the night we got our first console TV. That son-of-a-gun told everyone HE carried it into the house all by himself. I thought "Liar!" But I just smiled and kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to take away his moment. Honesty is great, but sometimes it's nice to let people have their little illusions.
Hopefully some day my kids will do the same for me--if I ever claim credit for something NOT on that list they're keeping. LOL, who am I kidding! I'll never be able to get away with anything! =)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Small things that make us smile
A commentor on my last post reminded me to think of small things that make me smile. In no particular order, the source of a few recent smiles:
A smell. For weeks I had the most amazing smell in my car, especially in the evenings when I got off work--it was sort of a warm, fruity danish scent. I thought a bottle of hand sanitizer was over-heating during the day. Everyday it was a nice surprise that made me smile and release whatever aggravation was trying to follow me home. One evening this week I stopped at the grocery store for a few basic items--milk, bread, TP, a caramel apple (fruit IS a basic item). When I put the groceries in the back of my car, I found two old bags--one holding a single slice of birthday cake (w/melted frosting) and the other containing (thankfully, literally) a bag of grapes that was starting to ferment. I don't know how long the stuff was in the car, probably one day longer than the great smell. I'm glad I found the bags before this turned into a story about things that make me frown.
Have you ever discovered aging perishables hiding in your car???
A memory. Someone in my family has a recording of me telling a knock-knock joke that I made up when I was six. I wanted to be Governor and the joke is about that.
Knock-knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Apple sitting in the Governor's chair!
Apparently I thought "apple" sounded enough like "I'll be" to make it work. It doesn't. In the background you can hear my older brother saying it didn't make sense, it wasn't funny. So I told it again. The second time I got the giggles. I started laughing so hard I could barely get the words out. I'm sure I had tears in my eyes as I tried to croak out the punch line, but couldn't. Before long my brother was laughing almost as hard as I was--and begging me to stop so he could stop laughing. Of all the things that are contagious, smiles, laughter and happiness are among the best.
Blog friends. This is not a small thing. I include it here because I want to thank you for your great comments, especially on my last post. I appreciate the support--and part of me got a real kick out of the one's questioning if I'm sure I'm related to my brother. LOL! This blog is and will be a happy, sometimes strange (in a good way ;P) place. Thanks for taking that little detour with me.
PS - Happy Thanksgiving to all Canadians! If you want to drool a little over a delicious sounding holiday menu and enjoy a tasty serving of humor, you should travel just North of 49 into Canada. But don't try to bring back any tomatoes into the US.
A smell. For weeks I had the most amazing smell in my car, especially in the evenings when I got off work--it was sort of a warm, fruity danish scent. I thought a bottle of hand sanitizer was over-heating during the day. Everyday it was a nice surprise that made me smile and release whatever aggravation was trying to follow me home. One evening this week I stopped at the grocery store for a few basic items--milk, bread, TP, a caramel apple (fruit IS a basic item). When I put the groceries in the back of my car, I found two old bags--one holding a single slice of birthday cake (w/melted frosting) and the other containing (thankfully, literally) a bag of grapes that was starting to ferment. I don't know how long the stuff was in the car, probably one day longer than the great smell. I'm glad I found the bags before this turned into a story about things that make me frown.
Have you ever discovered aging perishables hiding in your car???
A memory. Someone in my family has a recording of me telling a knock-knock joke that I made up when I was six. I wanted to be Governor and the joke is about that.
Knock-knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Apple sitting in the Governor's chair!
Apparently I thought "apple" sounded enough like "I'll be" to make it work. It doesn't. In the background you can hear my older brother saying it didn't make sense, it wasn't funny. So I told it again. The second time I got the giggles. I started laughing so hard I could barely get the words out. I'm sure I had tears in my eyes as I tried to croak out the punch line, but couldn't. Before long my brother was laughing almost as hard as I was--and begging me to stop so he could stop laughing. Of all the things that are contagious, smiles, laughter and happiness are among the best.
Blog friends. This is not a small thing. I include it here because I want to thank you for your great comments, especially on my last post. I appreciate the support--and part of me got a real kick out of the one's questioning if I'm sure I'm related to my brother. LOL! This blog is and will be a happy, sometimes strange (in a good way ;P) place. Thanks for taking that little detour with me.
PS - Happy Thanksgiving to all Canadians! If you want to drool a little over a delicious sounding holiday menu and enjoy a tasty serving of humor, you should travel just North of 49 into Canada. But don't try to bring back any tomatoes into the US.
Monday, October 4, 2010
A downer post about my brother
I need to vent. One of my older brothers and his wife are separated and headed for divorce—someday. She threw him out 18 months ago because he wouldn’t stop dating. He said he stopped seeing the girl, then got indignant when his wife wanted to know why he was continuing to disappear (I’m a grown man, I can do what I want). His lies caught up to him when his GF called his wife. He had his 1st affair before celebrating his 1st wedding anniversary. He spent the night with another girl the same day his wife gave birth to their 2nd child. His wife found out and threw him out. They got back together and I thought he learned his lesson. He didn’t. He continued to have affairs. He’s now living with the GF.
A few months ago he called my house and ended up talking to my wife. She tried to talk sense to him, but he said he didn’t understand the problem—he had been dating this girl for a long time and things were fine at home before (before his wife knew). Why couldn’t they just go back to that??? And in case it’s not clear, he was wondering why his wife wouldn’t take him back and let him continue to date.
As adults, I have been able to help him in the past, calm him down (he has a bad temper) and help him see things logically. But this time I’ve failed. I’ve gotten frustrated to the point that I don’t want to talk to him anymore. To justify his actions, he complains about his wife. But he doesn’t want a divorce, he wants her to take him back and let him continue dating. His wife isn’t interested in having an “open” marriage. Oh wait, now I can see how this is TOTALLY her fault. Oh, my brother!!!
I could write a book about this brother (just this post was originally 5 pages in Word). He was annoyed that our father insisted on putting an agreement with him in writing—he felt dad should have trusted him. He continued to be indignant about it even AFTER he broke his word. He still tells the story about how dad should have trusted him, but not around me. I remind him that even though he put his word in writing, he didn’t keep it.
He called me last week to complain about his wife turning his kids against him. I told him he did that when he hurt their mother. We’ve had the conversation before, he never listens. He went on the say it’s funny that his family thinks he’s a piece of #&%$, but his co-workers and friends think he’s a great guy. Instead of trying to reason with him, I just asked, “Who do you think knows you better?” Those words hit him hard. I didn’t really mean for it to come out the way it did.
I’m supposed to be my brother’s keeper, but I’ve run out of ideas--and our sisters make excuses for him. So who will help him???
PS - It's interesting how often my brother gets indignant about people not trusting him!
A few months ago he called my house and ended up talking to my wife. She tried to talk sense to him, but he said he didn’t understand the problem—he had been dating this girl for a long time and things were fine at home before (before his wife knew). Why couldn’t they just go back to that??? And in case it’s not clear, he was wondering why his wife wouldn’t take him back and let him continue to date.
As adults, I have been able to help him in the past, calm him down (he has a bad temper) and help him see things logically. But this time I’ve failed. I’ve gotten frustrated to the point that I don’t want to talk to him anymore. To justify his actions, he complains about his wife. But he doesn’t want a divorce, he wants her to take him back and let him continue dating. His wife isn’t interested in having an “open” marriage. Oh wait, now I can see how this is TOTALLY her fault. Oh, my brother!!!
I could write a book about this brother (just this post was originally 5 pages in Word). He was annoyed that our father insisted on putting an agreement with him in writing—he felt dad should have trusted him. He continued to be indignant about it even AFTER he broke his word. He still tells the story about how dad should have trusted him, but not around me. I remind him that even though he put his word in writing, he didn’t keep it.
He called me last week to complain about his wife turning his kids against him. I told him he did that when he hurt their mother. We’ve had the conversation before, he never listens. He went on the say it’s funny that his family thinks he’s a piece of #&%$, but his co-workers and friends think he’s a great guy. Instead of trying to reason with him, I just asked, “Who do you think knows you better?” Those words hit him hard. I didn’t really mean for it to come out the way it did.
I’m supposed to be my brother’s keeper, but I’ve run out of ideas--and our sisters make excuses for him. So who will help him???
PS - It's interesting how often my brother gets indignant about people not trusting him!
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