Did you hear that???

I'm skipping the annual gun/girl Halloween story and instead re-sharing a different tale.

One October afternoon I went with my dad and brother to do chores on my dad's family's farm. We went after finishing chores at our house, so it was late afternoon. I think I was 10.

We took our beagles along to let them run in the woods (chase rabbits). When we were done, the dogs were NOT done.   They ignored us when we called them. In a move that completely shocked me, my dad decided to leave them there.  We went home, had dinner, and then headed back to the farm. It was well after dark.  I'll skip the details of how we got the dogs.  But it did amaze me that somehow my dad knew just where to wait to head them off (as they chased a rabbit).  The two dogs were pretty surprised when we popped up.

Within minutes we had them in the very back of my mom's station wagon, which was parked right next to the farmhouse. The ancient (Civil War-era) two-story house on the farm was abandoned at that point. Local kids shot holes in the roof years before and the house was beyond saving. It stood there, completely dark and spooky looking.

Guess what? The station wagon wouldn't start. The battery suddenly was very dead.

My dad walked to a nearby uncle's house for help. We (my brother, me, the beagles) stayed in the car. I'm not sure if we waited there a long time or if time was just passing slowly. But it seemed as if my dad was gone a VERY long time.

As I sat there, I heard something familiar. It was the faint sound of sawing. Where could it be coming from? My brother asked if I heard it. We agreed the sound was coming from the house. The abandoned house!!! It got louder. We pretended it was nothing.  But soon we could hear hammering along with the sawing. Something terrible was going on inside that house. I told my brother we needed to do something (not sure if I meant investigate or run). He did something. He jumped into the back of the station wagon with the beagles. They would save him!

Suddenly, all was quiet. But as we listened, the sawing started up again. This time my brother could tell where the sound was really coming from.  It was the sound of the dogs wagging their tails. A slight wag made a "sawing" sound across the carpet and an excited wag made the dogs' tails thump against the side of the wagon--making a "hammering" sound.

I shared the story with my dad that night, which upset my brother. Since he was older and tried to hide behind the dogs, I suppose he was embarrassed. But not me!!! I'm happy to share an almost-ghost story to go along with my real ones.

Haappy Halloween!!!

Eek the Cat was wrong...

Despite what Eek said ("It never hurts to help."), sometimes it DOES hurt to help. 

I have a co-worker who annoys me a lot.  I don't like her.  Never have.  It's the lady who showed me how smart she was by explaining (3 times) why she buys value meals instead of getting the items ala carte.  It's because the value meals are less expensive than buying the items individually.  Who would have guessed?  That's actually not an example of why she annoys me.  It's her attitude towards her work.  She does the minimum, interrupts people (with dumb stories) who are trying to work and wants to be praised for it.  The result is I have no patience for her. 

Anyway, a few years ago her mom passed away.  She and her mom lived together and shared expenses.  So in addition to dealing with the loss of her mom, she started having money problems (which were resolved once her mom's estate was closed, but that took time).  I felt like I should do something to help--anonymously.  So late one evening after everyone was gone, I slipped money into an envelope and put it under her keyboard.

You know from the first paragraph that she's not the brightest person.  But she is...I'm not sure what to call it...cunning?  No.  But somehow she knew the money was from me and not from the office in general.  She thanked me, but I denied it and I know I didn't even show a hint of acknowledgement that she was right.  It shouldn't have mattered either way.  But it did. 

Over the next few months she came to me three times with tales of woe about needing money for this or that.  That would be fine, but she also gave me that look of expectation.  That she was telling me so I would give her money.  I did not.  I only gave her advice.  The first two times she left looking disappointed.  The 3rd time it happened she gave me a dirty look when she realized no money would be changing hands. 

That made me mad...and made me not want to help people. 

For about a week.  Then I got over it.  We're supposed to help people.  But that doesn't have to include people who annoy us, right?  Right??? 

Grocery Shopping Evolution

I have no good ideas for a post!  But I have spent a lot of time in grocery stores lately.  So much that I've noticed my past, my present and my future in the other shoppers--and their approach to grocery shopping. 

No cart:  Teenagers, running in to grab one item for their parents (or party supplies); Men who think they can carry 12 items

Hand-held basket:  College kids; Early career folks; Men who think 12 items will fit

Mini-cart: Elderly retirees; Men who refuse to get a full-size cart for 12 items

Full-sized cart:  People who cook; Parents with one small child; Men who finally wised-up

Two full-sized carts:  Tired parents (who may or may not cook) with multiple children; Human members of dog packs

Back down to one full-sized cart:  Parents waiting for their kids to move out


This post is mostly nonsense--I've probably done all of the above (except use 2 carts) over the past few months.  But I really can see the evolution of my life in the store.  I used to be the guy who thought he didn't need a cart.  Someday I will be the little old man pushing the mini-cart through the store every other day, browsing everything, trying to talk to people.  If you have a moment to spare, say "hi" when we're in the same aisle.  :)

Hopefully I won't be the homeless guy trying to walk away with a cart.

I've been spending way too much time in grocery stores!!!

You're A Poet, But Don't Show It!

I never considered attempting to write anything meaningful, much less poetry, until a buddy asked for help when he suffered a broken heart. We were 18. He had it bad for a girl we worked with. She had a boyfriend (who was a jerk). My friend was giving up, but he wanted to send her flowers and a poem for her birthday. He couldn't come up with anything and asked me for help. I thought about what he was feeling and wrote this:

The flowers are to let you know
Just exactly how I feel.
About a love I can never show
And a heart I can never steal.

It was bad, but it did get him a pity date.  Really, he was too good for her.

The main reason I remember it is because at the time I thought, "Hmmm, I might be able to use this myself someday."  But the opportunity never arose.  Since then I've mostly avoided writing poetry.  Until...

Rooth challenged readers
"Compose a haiku or two"
Embarrassed myself

Or did she just share some and I took it as a challenge?  No, no, I'm pretty sure she invited others to join in.  I think I wrote two: one defending men and the other slamming them--I like to explore both sides of an issue.


PS - Of course my friend wasn't really giving up.  That's just something guys say when they decide to make a grand gesture after months of failure.  DO NOT BE FOOLED!  :D

PS ll - The title was inspired by a childhood taunt, "You're a poet and don't know it, but your feet sure show it.  They're Loooongfellows!"

A New Danger

Well, not so new.  This happened to me in 2010...and I blogged about it.  But thanks to an almost complete turnover of blog friends, I can share it again.  I learned about a certain danger the hard way.

It wasn't a disease or virus.  It was a special breed of women.  Unaware of the danger, I entered their lair--the hardware store!  That's right, I came face-to-face with women who (according to my wife) inhabit hardware stores on Saturday nights.  They don't care about looks or charm or money or finding a soulmate. They don't seem to care if the guy is married. They're just looking for a man who knows the difference between a flush valve and a fill valve, can replace a failed light switch, clear a clogged drain, etc. 

It was to be a quick trip.  I only needed a few items--and I always like to browse the flashlights. To make a long story short, two women took turns browsing whatever aisle I was in and standing right in front of what I was looking at--they showed up even when I doubled back (twice) to aisles they had already been in. Separately, they kept making small talk about how they didn't really know what they were doing and how nice it would be to have someone help them because they're just girls and have no idea how toggle bolts work (or something like that).

I was so annoyed I left without even looking at the flashlights (that's like a shoe girl not looking at shoes). I told my wife about it when I got home and she laughed (and laughed). She said they were trying to pick me up.  I told her that was crazy, they just wanted help with home repairs. But she insisted this is a real thing, there are women that figure a guy who can fix things around the house is a good catch and they hope to find one in hardware stores on a Friday or Saturday night.

Is that true? Have you ever heard of such a thing???


PS - As stated above, these ladies don't care about looks, charm or money.  So it makes sense they were talking to me.  :D