Internal Narratives

Two weeks ago Rooth and I were talking about the narratives people develop in their heads (not us, other people :), how they guide so much of our behavior and how we feel about certain situations.  That gave me an idea for a post on a false narrative, but first I have to provide some background...

During my senior year in high school, my mom got my future wife an after school job with her company. Just before we graduated, my future FIL had to stop working for health reasons. Thanks to disability insurance the family was okay. Then the government decided he wasn't disabled and money got really tight. My future MIL was too proud to let anyone know they couldn't get by on her salary alone and FAR too proud to accept any help. (That's it for the use of "future".)

But she fell asleep early every night.

So instead of going to the movies on Friday nights, my GF and I took turns buying groceries and then slipped the food into their house while the MIL slept. One week she caught us. She was wasn't happy. "No one asked you to do that!" I smiled and told her I didn't know what she was talking about, the food was for me. A small (bald-faced) lie to ease her pride. We kept pitching in. I'm sure she knew.

Within a year the situation stablized and I started college in the fall.

Before Thanksgiving that year my MIL was diagnosed with a brain tumor and rushed into surgery. Two surgeries later she was left unable to function. Her motor skills were destroyed and she had trouble talking. My FIL couldn't work, but he could take care of his wife. He did everything for her (EVERYthing!). But he had no idea how to deal with doctors, insurance companies, banks, utilities, etc. His wife had handled all of that. He didn't know how to write a check (which was a bigger deal back then versus today). My GF stepped up and handled most of that for her dad. I helped by organizing the finances and getting a job (and becoming Dr. Rick for their minor ailments).

That job my mom helped my GF get in high school turned out to be a major stroke of luck. It became a full-time job and the couple that ran the business provided a not-so-small miracle. Their son-in-law was a political big-shot. It took a long time (every day my FIL would ask if we had any news--it was stressful, on top of the stress related to the MIL's condition), but the politician was able to get my FIL's disability status restored. He started receiving payments again. It was barely enough to live on, but we kept helping out and money became less of a problem. 

That hasn't changed.  As my wife and I started building our family, we continued to help her parents.  It's just her dad now.  The point of all of this is that I've been on-board with helping my in-laws since before they were my in-laws.  It's the norm.  But that didn't keep my wife from causing herself (and me) grief and stress because of a faulty narrative. 

I'll share the "narrative" problem in the next post.