Internal Narratives

Two weeks ago Rooth and I were talking about the narratives people develop in their heads (not us, other people :), how they guide so much of our behavior and how we feel about certain situations.  That gave me an idea for a post on a false narrative, but first I have to provide some background...

During my senior year in high school, my mom got my future wife an after school job with her company. Just before we graduated, my future FIL had to stop working for health reasons. Thanks to disability insurance the family was okay. Then the government decided he wasn't disabled and money got really tight. My future MIL was too proud to let anyone know they couldn't get by on her salary alone and FAR too proud to accept any help. (That's it for the use of "future".)

But she fell asleep early every night.

So instead of going to the movies on Friday nights, my GF and I took turns buying groceries and then slipped the food into their house while the MIL slept. One week she caught us. She was wasn't happy. "No one asked you to do that!" I smiled and told her I didn't know what she was talking about, the food was for me. A small (bald-faced) lie to ease her pride. We kept pitching in. I'm sure she knew.

Within a year the situation stablized and I started college in the fall.

Before Thanksgiving that year my MIL was diagnosed with a brain tumor and rushed into surgery. Two surgeries later she was left unable to function. Her motor skills were destroyed and she had trouble talking. My FIL couldn't work, but he could take care of his wife. He did everything for her (EVERYthing!). But he had no idea how to deal with doctors, insurance companies, banks, utilities, etc. His wife had handled all of that. He didn't know how to write a check (which was a bigger deal back then versus today). My GF stepped up and handled most of that for her dad. I helped by organizing the finances and getting a job (and becoming Dr. Rick for their minor ailments).

That job my mom helped my GF get in high school turned out to be a major stroke of luck. It became a full-time job and the couple that ran the business provided a not-so-small miracle. Their son-in-law was a political big-shot. It took a long time (every day my FIL would ask if we had any news--it was stressful, on top of the stress related to the MIL's condition), but the politician was able to get my FIL's disability status restored. He started receiving payments again. It was barely enough to live on, but we kept helping out and money became less of a problem. 

That hasn't changed.  As my wife and I started building our family, we continued to help her parents.  It's just her dad now.  The point of all of this is that I've been on-board with helping my in-laws since before they were my in-laws.  It's the norm.  But that didn't keep my wife from causing herself (and me) grief and stress because of a faulty narrative. 

I'll share the "narrative" problem in the next post.

The Weakest Link

Over the years I have had a number of my comments disappear.  I'd wonder if whatever I wrote was somehow offensive (we're all different, so it's possible).  Did the blogger not want the comment on his/her blog?  Was I supposed to enter a captcha, but didn't? 

Closing a window without noticing a captcha was required accounted for a small number of the missing comments--usually on nights I was really tired.  But what happened to the others???

I found the answer over the weekend (I think).  I was commenting on blogs and Instagram using my iPod.  When I went back to check, none of my comments were showing up.  I believe the cause was a very weak wi-fi connection (I was at the opposite end of the house from the router).  The upload was really slow and I was too quick to close/change pages.

Or you folks are deleting my comments. 

Don't tell me if you are...like Linus (Charlie Brown), I don't want to know.  :D

Happy Mon....Tuesday!

Making a Contribution

Several times I've come up with what I thought were new ideas, only to discover someone else already had (and publicized) the ideas.  For example, I thought I invented the Paleo Diet.  But it had already existed for decades.

Now I've come up with something I think might actually be original. 

Next weekend we're going to have a sale (to get rid of some junk) at our house.  It's not really an estate sale, but it will be more than a yard sale or garage sale.  I suggested we call it a "Hoarder's Sale."  I won't say who the hoarder is (but it's not me).

So, that's my contribution to the world....hoarder's sale.  Well, that and my wonderful kids, of course.  :)

Happy weekend folks--and a happy 3 day weekend to my US friends!

Meeting the In-Laws

My friend Kristie recently blogged about the first time she met her in-laws.  That inspired me to do the same.  Unfortunately my experience doesn't make for quite as good a story...but here goes.


As I've mentioned too often, my wife and I started "dating" when we were 15.  The "dating" consisted of holding hands in school and meeting at the roller skating rink on Friday nights.  Being teenagers, neither of us mentioned anything to our respective parents.  Her younger sister ratted us out and her parents wanted to meet "that boy."  They were angry.

My parents worried she might distract me from school.  They didn't know she was girlfriend #5.  I didn't share much.  I wouldn't have told them about "this one," but I needed a ride.  I had an invitation to a New Year's day dinner that I couldn't refuse.

I also had hair down to my shoulders--every parent's dream for their daughters.  I'd met my future father-in-law once, before the "dating" started.  He had a reputation for being surly and he was huge.  But, like most parents, he liked me (for some reason, despite the hair).  That was before I started dating his daughter.  Before he was mad she had a boyfriend.  Before he wanted to meet "that boy.

On New Year's I was prepared to enter a hostile environment and remain polite.  That was important when they served dinner.  Their food was weird!  My wife asked if I wanted potato salad.  I said yes, but didn't see it anywhere.  She started putting yellow mashed potatoes (with little green things in it?) on my plate.  Next she offered green beans and asked if I wanted fatback.  Having never heard of fatback, I said no thank you.  The offer of chow-chow almost broke me--I didn't know that was also the name of a relish!

But there was no hostility.  They had questions, but just the normal questions people ask when getting to know each other.  The only bad thing that happened was my FIL got sick that night after eating oysters a friend had given him.  He had offered them to me, but I declined.  I've always been lucky...and not afraid to say "no thank you."

The visit went really well.  Disturbingly well.  I wondered what was wrong with those people.  They all talked to me and treated me like someone they'd known for a long time.  My siblings (not my parents) kind of snubbed new BFs/GFs (and sometimes spouses) for the first 2 or 3 (or 10) years.  I don't know if they wanted to make sure the person would be sticking around before putting in any effort or if the people had to somehow earn a place in the club.  It was weird (and rude).  But it was what I was used to seeing.

What were my future in-laws up to?  What was their angle???  Looking back, I realize that's just who they were.  They accepted people and treated newcomers well.  They were normal (only in that one way).  And they liked me.  I was "in" right from the start.  Part of the family.

In fact, I was so "in", my future mother-in-law started nailing the door shut behind me.  I had no idea.


PS - My wife really misses the good old days when my siblings didn't talk to her.  LOL

Scarfing down food

Last week Lauren tweeted about a video.  My reactions was, "Oh Lord, it's like looking in a mirror!"  The video can be viewed HERE.
The video is haunting me.  I think it may have captured perfectly what I look like when I eat.  Is it just me?  Do you worry that's what you look like when eating???


Happy Monday!!!  :)