Holiday Strategery (Family)

You probably shouldn't read this post if you've just eaten.  Or if you're about to eat.  Maybe you just shouldn't read it at all. 

I'm in a little hot water at home because of something I included in grace before dinner last Thursday.  Everyone else passed on the chance to say grace, so they have to live with the consequences of letting me step up to the plate (a baseball-related pun).  My wife's sisters usually join us for Thanksgiving, but have missed the past two years.  My side of the family used to gather for Christmas, but haven't for several years.  So at the end of grace I simply mentioned reconnecting with family on future holidays. 

For good reasons, my kids were...not quite appalled...what's a good word for not thrilled?  Anyway, I think you get the picture.  Without going into too many details, it's hard to imagine someone choosing to hang out with either side of our family.  But they're family.  And I have strategies for dealing with both sides.  Since I've shared plenty about my family over the years, I'm going to explain why my kids aren't eager to have my wife's sisters join us for a meal.  It's not so much their personalities as it is their gross habits (although personalities play a part too, lol).  Let me introduce you (w/a few details).

The Re-arranger:  She's the eldest sister, has a good heart, but gets carried away at times (pushy).  You have to be forceful to keep her from going on a steam-roll.  She's ruined more than one of my wife's birthdays (that's MY job).  She enjoys decorating.  And she enjoys rearranging chips.  If there's a bowl or plate of chips or crackers, you can bet she's touched them all in search of the next one she's going to eat.  It's funny to watch her.  The worst part is she'll pick her teeth, then start touching chips in the bowl again.  Double gross.  To avoid that, I have a special, individual serving dish just for her. (She's easily the nicest of the 3--you can communicate with her.)

The Pack Leader:  The youngest of the four.  She has eight dogs and they do as they please.  She never washes her hands.  Ever (and she thinks Canada is a state).  One Thanksgiving she brought a dog with her.  The little guy had surgery on his leg and couldn't be left alone (with the wild dogs).  He had a potty accident on the floor, which she cleaned up with a single-ply paper towel.  Then she immediately grabbed a pan of baked dinner rolls and started placing them (by hand) into a basket.  I quickly snatched 4 before she got her hands on them.  I was honest when she asked why I did it--and she was offended.  I've kept that from happening again by striking up conversations with her just as food is about to be served (and by being in a position to hand her a plate, not vice versa).

The Brain Tickler:  A middle child.  She has no interest in cooking (or cleaning--anything, ever), so I don't have to keep her out of the kitchen at parties.  I've never seen her touching food she wasn't going to eat.  But there's the brain tickling (and the complete inability to listen to what others say and, seemingly, what she says herself).  No, I don't mean brain teasers.  It's that, well, she has long, thin fingers and, apparently, her nose itches a lot...way up in there.  It's an appalling and fascinating sight.  You can't help but wonder how she's NOT touching her brain.  This one is easy to avoid--just look away every time her hand moves towards her face.  (But you still know she's doing it. **shudder**)

As the saying goes, we choose our friends, not our family.  But my kids are wondering if we have to eat with family just because they are family.  (Yes)  :P


PS - This reads like a mean post, but I'm the only one who thinks we should get together with them.  I need to work on making that happen.