Déjà Two

This post also could be called "don't judge a book by its cover".
In '09/'10 I attended 2 one-week conferences out of state, one in the fall, one the following spring.  At the first, I set out to spend time with every attendee--either partnering with them in group exercises, talking with them during meals, something.  By Thursday evening I needed alone time and decided to have dinner off campus at an Irish restaurant.  As I headed out the front door of the hotel, I bumped into the person I'd talked to the least. She was very controlled, never showing any sort of reaction to anything.  It was off-putting.  She asked if I was meeting people.  I told her no, I was going to the Irish restaurant alone.  She was headed there too and invited me to join her.  My mind spun looking for a tactful way to say no.  I accepted.  She drove.

Once there, she talked about her dad liking Irish food.  She also mentioned he was hard to please.  I could see the thought wasn't pleasant, so in attempt to be comforting (not one-upping) I shared a funny ancedote about my dad.  She smiled and then her dam burst.  She shared her life story, she cried.  We talked for hours.  I shared a few short stories, we talked about her dad's behavior, and by the end of dinner she was smiling and laughing.  The next day she was completely different in class.  She gave me her card so we could keep in touch.  We tried, but I made her nervous and whatever was going on in her life always just spilled out, unfiltered.  Then she'd laugh (nervously) and say, "Well, you'd just get it out of me anyway."  We no longer keep in touch. 

At the next conference (same location), I didn't go out of my way to interact.  After class on Thursday I noticed people forming groups to go to dinner. I wanted to dine alone at the Irish restaurant, so I headed to the computer lab.  A few minutes later a classmate joined me--it was the perky girl.  I could feel her looking at me, but I pretended not to notice.  Finally she asked what I was doing for dinner--she didn't want to eat in the cafeteria.  I told her I was going to the Irish place.  She said she didn't like Irish food.  I told her it wasn't for everyone and suggested the cafeteria might have something she liked that night.  She went off to check and I smiled inside.  In 2 minutes she was back, to say she didn't like the menu.  She just stood there, digging her toe into the carpet like a little girl.  I caved, I asked if she wanted to join me.  She smiled her perky smile and said yes.  I told her she was driving.

Once there, she mentioned her mom had passed away recently and she was upset with herself for not checking on the woman sooner.  I shared a very short version of my "mom passing away" story.  Then her dam burst.  She shared her life story, she cried.  We talked for hours...almost exactly what happened last time.  In the same restaurant!?!  What are the odds???

The super-controlled ice princess and the super-perky girl seemed to have nothing in common.  And yet they were the same--both walking around in pain and didn't feel they could talk to any of their family or friends.  But they could talk to a stranger.  Sometimes that's easier.

Regardless of the face they show the world, you never know what the person next to you is going through. So, as you've read before, be kinder than necessary.


PS - Next time, Thai food!!! :P