Yes, feminism has failed me. Me personally. I don't believe in "gender roles". You do whatever needs to be done. I do laundry (when my wife's not looking). I grocery shop. I cook ("feed the family" might be a better way to put that--to say I cook would be a stretch). I clean. I changed diapers and fed babies. But I am still trapped by the other side of the gender equation. I hear things like this all the time at home:
Rick, help, there's a spider-cricket!
Rick, the car won't start!
Rick, check the gutters (I was reminding myself, no one else cares about gutters).
Dad, there's no hot water!
Dad, there's water leaking out of the toilet!
Dad, the kitchen is on fire!!!
I'm expected to kill bugs (I AM really good at it), take care of the lawn and the cars, shovel snow, fix things when they break and, yes, I was called to put out a fire in our kitchen a few weeks ago. That was scary (but the leaky toilet was much more work).
It's the 21st century! Why do I still have to handle those jobs???
Well, in part, because I know how to handle them. But that's not the main reason. My wife could do them (or pay someone to). The main reason is because I want to do them. We have a modern version of a traditional marriage. My wife does most of the cooking and cleaning. (Well, she does much of it....okay, she does some of it...well, she does a little of it...just kidding, she does most of it.) But in the end, there are almost no jobs that belong to just one or the other--except for those jobs that are only mine (like those I mentioned above...and ironing). :D
I was teasing about feminism failing me (it made for a good post title). I'm content. But if anyone ever figures out a way for me to be equal to my wife, I'd love to know how to get promoted. (That's a joke my grandfather used to make--except he wasn't really joking. My tiny grandmother ruled the roost.)
interesting post. I've done most of the above things myself, mainly because it takes the mister three times as long to do them as me. but I get your point. he can cook, and help around the house, but I don't want a (my!) guy to do the ironing. so maybe I am failing feminism!!??
ReplyDeleteNo, it sounds like you've got a good system going--I'm the same way about waiting for others to do things. About the ironing, I made the mistake of making a harmless joke about my wife's ironing (she's awful at it), so she refused to do it for years. I try to get my clothes (well, my work clothes) out of the dryer quickly so there's not much need to iron.
DeleteI can kill bugs but not lizards (deathly afraid of them). Things like leaks and such are left for the male species in the family hahaha
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn;t have to deal with any of those things!
DeleteI'm just happy to be needed. :)
LOL that happens here too! the other day i was about to hop into the shower after my workout and when i looked up, THERE WAS A GIANT EARWIG on the wall. YUCK; of all the household bugs, earwigs are the worst...so naturally, i went upstairs and dragged my husband out of bed to rid the bathroom of the monster....and it was 6am LOL!
ReplyDelete-kathy
Vodka and Soda
Husbands live for the early morning bug hunts and the late night trips to the store for unmentionalbles.
Delete6am??? haha!
What's the point of having a husband if not to have someone to kill bugs and open jars, right? Isn't that stated in your marriage certificate?? :D
ReplyDeleteOn another note, though... I think certain roles will never change. We CAN do what the other party does but well, sometimes it's just nice to fall back on classic ways.
It's in the vows too. :) I want to make a joke about both parties NOT always being able to do what the other party does well, but I'd get in too much troulbe with my fact-checker. (And this time it was a good joke.)
DeleteDidn't anyone give you the marriage job manual? Killing insects and repairing leaks are blue jobs. According to my daughter-in-law there are some jobs that are strictly pink jobs, and some jobs that are strictly blue jobs. I'm pretty sure that is on page 156 of the manual. :-)
ReplyDeleteI knew I shouldn't be ironing! Wait, or is that a blue job??? I need one of those manuals, winging it is a lot of work. :)
DeletePS - The appliance curse is hitting us.
My sympathies about the appliance curse. I hope you have better luck than us getting rid of the curse. We had to move. Ha!
DeleteWhat about lifting heavy things Rick? Or does your wife do that too? :)
ReplyDeleteIt's funny you mention that, because she lifts more than I would like. Feats of strength are my thing. :)
DeleteYour kitchen was in fire??? Omg thank god nothing really happened!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are my master bug killer!! I could need you here for the summer where we have way too much disgusting flying insects around hahaha
That was a very interesting post!!! It's great how you share all duties and work with each other!
Sorry I've been too rare lately!! Life and works had just been too busy!! But I still read and follow blogs even if it doesn't look like that :)
I'm glad you're still here, I was worried you'd quit. I hope things balance out soon!
DeleteMy boyfriend is the same way. He does the cooking and cleaning, well we both do. except he does it throughout the week and I like to use my weekend to take care of everything. I think that is just because we both work full time jobs and our schedule is so different.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny because we both love to cook but I must admit he is a much better cook and baker than I will ever be (unless I get some professional training of course, ha). Then there's the laundry I have this weird pet peeve with how laundry is done and I prefer to do it myself. Then he does the whole carpentry thing and even if I offer to help or make something he says no, lol. That must be because he thinks I can't follow directions or may hurt myself. Isn't that the fun part though is learning how to do things on your own??
Speaking of which I think I want to ask him to bake some cookies tonight ;)
My wife doesn't want me doing laundry either--so I do it when her back is turned. I like to wash my clothes so I don't lose socks and shirts.
DeleteWe can't work on projects together--not if we want to stay together. lol
Oh boy, haha I think the one thing that I can't stand is socks getting lost somewhere. Not sure how or why that happens but our washer and dryer is in our unit and for some reason it still happens.
Deletemy boyfriend never wants me to partake in projects with him. so sad :(
hahaha that's so like me and Mr. Artist. I told him that indoor stuff is my chores (except vaccuuming) and anything outside is his domain. Not because of gender roles, but it's a convenient excuse to use since I hate dealing with stinky, dirty messes lol.
ReplyDeleteHaha, that's a good reason!!! When my wife wanted to move into a house, she agreed to handle the yard work--I had done enough while growing up to last two lifetimes. That lasted one summer, then it was my job. :)
DeleteI totally make my husband kill all the bugs in our house for sure! And ironically, we also had a mini kitchen fire recently. Our toaster burst into flames and I just stood there and screamed while my husband blew it out and took it outside. Don't even ask why/how our toaster caught on fire, it's still a mystery.
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning of our relationship, I did all the chores in the house (groceries, cook, laundry), but as time as gone on, I've somehow found a way to get my husband to take on some of those things. It's my secret, I won't give it away. :)
xo, Yi-chia
Always Maylee
Yikes, fires are scary! I think that may be the first toaster fire I've head of. Do you know the brand? We need a toaster and I don't want to get that one!
DeleteIf you do ever decide to share the secret, keep me in mind--I need all the tips I can get! I suspect hubby being very happy is a big part of him not minding the chores. :)
lol its more like... we just don't want to deal with it?! I dunno thats a good question why men are always the ones fixing things...
ReplyDeleteIt might be because we 're not smart enough to admit we should hire a professional to fix whatever it is. :)
DeleteMy hubs does those jobs you do because one day we sat down and divided up the jobs and that's where they landed. Don't think we'll ever be equal in the household responsibilities because one will always think, at times, that they are doing more of their share. Nevertheless, I do what I'm good at, he does what he's good at. Keep the engine well oiled and working.
ReplyDeleteWhatever works for a couple and to their mutual happiness is fair. Equal is an eye of the beholder thing is this case.
DeleteI included you in my recent blogger news post.
Those things that you hear at home all the time are indeed for the male in the family. You mean you don't know that there is a rule book on these aside from:
ReplyDeleteThe bulb has blown.
Could you help me to open this bottle?
The toilet bowl is choked.
It's too high up. Could you help me to reach it?
and many more...
LOL, yes, those things too! Tonight it was opening cans. My wife said her hands hurt and she needed help.
Deleteand I'm the painter! I used to paint our house, like all the time. Until I no longer live in our family house on a permanent basis. I mean, to include "paint the house" in my tight holiday schedule is a bit too much I guess :p
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't do chores while on holiday!!! I'm glad you didn't. But, if your holiday is over, I have a LOT of painting work for you. :)
DeleteOh Rick, the future mister could sure use a few pointers from you! If he could do half of the chores that you are doing, I think I would be a happy wife. But then again, I'm not too sure how we will both fill the shoes of being a mr and a mrs in the new chapter of our lives next year.
ReplyDeleteYou'll both fill them wonderfully!
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