It's weird to mention the same blogger two posts in a row, but I learned the word "spaving" from Kristie. It means saving by spending. The word was new, but I've been familiar with the concept for quite some time (my wife is a couponer)--and how that concept gets misused. You aren't saving money when you get a bargain on something you don't "need". Since we all define "need" differently, I won't get into that. But I do want to share a story about my oldest brother and his first wife. Let's call them Fredo and Ivant.
When I was 18, Ivant wanted a sporty car and Fredo wanted to get it for her. He had a good job, but didn't have enough cash on hand. So he asked to borrow $5,000 (someday I'll do a post on why I had five grand). He promised to pay me back $250 a month and in a little over two years the debt would be repaid. The only interest on the loan was that I'd get to borrow the car once in a while.
They made the first two payments, but then something came up and they missed the 3rd payment. And the 4th. And the 5th. My brother was full of excuses about why he didn't have the money. Then at a family cookout I gained some insight on what was really going on. His wife, Ivant, went on and on to my mother about all the things she'd been buying--and what great deals she was getting. She was so proud. Then she mentioned a new gaming system she bought...and she asked my opinion on the price she paid. I told her it didn't matter what I thought, but she kept asking and finally insisted. So I told her what I thought...that when people can't pay the bills they have, it's time to stop buying things they don't need--no matter how great a deal it is!!!
She started crying and ran in my parent's house. I wanted to feel guilty, but it didn't happen.
I can't prove this, but I'm not a cheap person. But I am responsible and I expect people to do what they say they are going to do. I would have been happy to revise the repayment terms, but they preferred to ignore the debt while spendng like crazy.
Within a few weeks my brother repaid the remaining $4,500 (they borrowed the money from her parents) and we didn't talk much until two years later. He often needed me to watch their kids in the middle of the night so he could go looking for his wife. She was cheating on him with his best friend and soon they were divorced. So even if I had felt guilty about making her cry, it wouldn't have lasted very long.
Should I have felt guilty? Was I too harsh? I'm tempted to say it was only money, but there was a principle involved too. What do you think???
First off, I agree with what you said: "You aren't saving money when you get a bargain on something you don't need."
ReplyDeleteWhich is why I've become a cautious thrifter. Just cause it's cheap doesn't mean I'm getting a bargain if I'm going to purchase it and have it sit and collect dust. Even if it's $10 shoes. I might as well have saved up maybe $50 more to purchase that pair of shoes I really like that gets worn everyday.
And about feeling guilty? It's for her own good and she is family (or was). So you were just being sincere. How you said it is also important so depends on your tone. And it's not "just" money because that's a LOT of money. If she was paying you back regularly and spending a lot that's a diff story. Fact is it's her responsibility and she didn't carry through with her payment so you had a right to say something. If anything, shouldn't she be feeling guilty? (for not being able to pay you back and going on a shopping spree)
www.mrschong.com
I think you did good on this one! You have debt, you get it paid. Simple as that. I have an uncle who still owes my dad thousands of dollars and I just have no idea why my dad is such a lenient person.
ReplyDeleteI think she deserved it. There's nothing wrong with being honest, after all she did insist that you tell her what you think right? xD
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely acceptable that you didn't feel guilty. I feel bad for your brother, but at the same time I'm glad he was able to get the car he wanted, and got rid for Ivant as he didn't deserve that kind of treatment from her.
ReplyDeleteWell I also think you shouldn't spend so much on things you don't need especially when you still have debts or bills to pay. I probably wouldn't feel guilty either if I was in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteNo guilt! I think it was very rude that she was showing off about her purchases when she still owed you. And it is even more rude that she was shopping instead of paying you back. Hmph!
ReplyDeleteclever aliases ;)
ReplyDeleteyou shouldn't feel any guilt at all. you have a debt, you pay your debt. you do not go spending all sorts of money on crap you don't need if you have debt. then again, people are different with money. i for one, hate any debt hanging over my head. drives me nuts.
I don't think you should have felt guilty for sending ivant into the house crying. I agree with you that spending money is not saving if you buy things you don't need. Getting TP at costco in bulk is saving money, 1. it doesn't expires, 2. you need it.
ReplyDeleteOkay.. you are a man of stories. You always have something interesting to share. I think it's completely irresponsible when people don't have their priorities straight... it gets you into a lot of trouble. But people love nice things (myself included). Some people grow out of it, and I guess others don't. As for the Ivant. What a bitch. Was that inappropriate?
ReplyDeleteAnyways, thanks for always coming by and leaving your comments :) I enjoy reading them.
Not harsh at all. I thankfully haven't been put in such a situation (yet) but can see why you felt the way you did. Sounds like she may have a serious problem. =(
ReplyDeleteP.S Since when did money make a man more handsome? Only a small segment of society subscribes to that way of thinking. (For the record, not me!) Anyhoo, congrats on those raises!! Oh and where is the gamer reference from? My brain's fried tonight and I can't remember...lol!
I absolutely can't understand why people who are indebted just go on spending and buying, instead of repaying the debt. I already feel so bad having a 3 Euro debt for a coffee at a friend, lol. But I was told very early not to spend more than I actually have, so that's maybe why I'm a total cheapskate, hahaha! But I can be generous, too :P
ReplyDeleteBtw, how did you come up with the name Ivant?? XDDD
Sorry but, money is still money and if they have money to spend for a new gaming system, then they should have money to pay debts. I hate people who spend beyond their means. I was brought up to be simple and so I have simple needs... I do have extravagant WANTS but even those are within my budget because I feel that I am still not in the position to dream so much about things I can afford.
ReplyDeleteThere are girls who would die for designer bags. I do not care much for it, but I look for quality bags, so I make sure that they're real leather. I know of people who wouldn't mind swiping their credit cards and going in debt just to carry pretty purses. I would never do that. I told my friend once, if the price of the bag is nothing to me, then I would buy one --- if I have to save up to be able to buy a piece of item, then that means I CAN'T AFFORD IT!
Anyway, my father used to pay for a lot of people's debts and stuff. My family was better off than most so he was kinda expected... A few years ago we had problems, and they were nowhere to be found. It's funny huh, when people forget what you've done for them?
LOL I guess you did her a favour... but "You aren't saving money when you get a bargain on something you don't "need"." = STORY OF MY LIFE. in fact, I just bought a book I am interested in reading (though I'm sure my life wouldn't end without it so I don't technically NEED it) because i found it for 50% off used haha
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't really money but the principle... some people just have their priorities out of whack huh?! My rule of thumb is to never (or make it your very last resort) to borrow money from family/relatives to avoid having any potential awkwardness or tension if for some reason they couldn't pay you back!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Rick, I think its so stupid to buy something not needed just because its sale or in great deal. My hubby has a tendency buying groceries because its good price and end up throwing after a while bec. it became old he has no time to eat it all! I hate it! hehhe
ReplyDeleteI would had done the exact same thing. I wish I could do the same with my brother-in-law.
ReplyDelete<33 Rena
You know I would always say you did the right thing or that you should have been harsher. I think this time, you totally did it right and also you're right for not feeling guilty at all. It's YOUR money and your ex SIL was not being very nice by evading payments and yet brag about the things she buy. Worse still, crying and running into your parents' house. Give me a five and I would use it on her face.
ReplyDeleteEvil Jo emerging!
That's one hell of a story. I guess the only thing to say what goes around comes around. Even if it's not how you wanted things to come back around the situation just sucks.
ReplyDeleteSounds like quite the weekend. ;) Which reminds me. I need to do some Swiffering tomorrow...haha. Hmm...I don't know if the scarf is still available but guess I could check?
ReplyDeleteAnything involving money and family and close friends is difficult. Don't beat yourself up too much - you do what you have to do when it comes to that kind of stuff! xox
ReplyDeleteI just became your newest follower! I would love for you to check out my blog & follow back if you'd like. :)
Blessings,
Kat
www.maryanddyer.blogspot.com
I totally agree with your view...because all men probably rationalize to that point..why do you say you save when you're still spending on things you don't *need*. BUT that sure is me...i'm proud that i save on what i spend just simply bc I WANT it...how fun, ha ha! And for your brother's ex wife...SMH -_-
ReplyDeleteDamn I almost think you were too nice! That would be infuriating to me. I hate having to bug people for money so I also hate loaning it out. It's too bad that you didn't speak to your bro for 2 years after though, but good to see that you stuck to your guns.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you have done, they should have paid you instead of spending the money frivolously.
ReplyDeleteAnd dang, that is one woman I wouldn't want to meet!!
There's nothing to feel guilty about. You're just expressing your matter of fact opinion.
ReplyDeleteTotally true. Some says that a woman would buy a promo item even if she does not need these and stash these items up on her wardrobe.