During my first year of college I interacted with a small group of guys who (like me) were studying accounting. Sometimes we talked before class started. Some days we had lunch together at a greasy spoon--a tiny burger joint down an alley (so good!). They were classmates (not friends). After class the group headed for the subway. I did too. That's when they really started to annoy me.
The apparent leader of their group was not very evolved and the others were easily lead. He thought it was fun to make women traveling alone feel uncomfortable. He'd stare at them, make creepy comments. I swear sometimes I thought I heard him grunt. His buddies joined in and they tried to isolate that day's target from the rest of the passengers. My grandmother would have been ashamed of me if I let that happen. So I didn't.
At their worst, I'd stand between them and the girl until she got off the train. Other times I tried to explain why what they were doing was wrong. I tried to get them to see they were being disrespectful, creepy and scary. I even tried the old "what if it was your sister or GF?." But their leader had an ignorant answer for everything. I think I suggested they ask their mothers about it. But it's been a long time, I'm not sure.
But I am sure I made no progress with those boys. They laughed at what I said. Hopefully most of them grew up and changed their behavior. But I doubt it. For me the experience was a bit of a revelation. That's when I first realized you can have truth, justice and logic on your side, but that doesn't mean anyone is going to listen. After summer classes I started working full time and going to school at night. I lost touch with the boys after that. Then I started having trouble with the girls, but that's a different story. :D
I'm sure I wrote this story before, but I couldn't find it! A great post about ignorant signs posted by college boys welcoming female freshmen to campus reminded me of it. Will things ever change???
Thanks for sharing your experience and owning up to it. You tried to stand up to them & change their minds, but it fell on deaf ears. Good try though. Just also goes to show the power of one idiot in the group.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm worried. What was I owning up to? :D
DeleteMy failure to get the boys to understand? Or that many boys (and I use that term without regard to age, just behavior) are jerks?
Did you read that Microsoft was underpaying female staff? It blows my mind. Is it still 1955??? Bah!
I get stupid comments like those when I'm by myself too. I'm gonna be honest, it makes me feel like a piece of meat sometimes. I mean, I think it's nice that someone thinks I'm pretty, but then again... Why would anyone approach me in such a creepy way?!
ReplyDeleteIt is self-defeating to approach a lady that way. I think my classmates had never had a date with a pretty girl and were very immature about how to treat women. The answer is easy--you treat them as human beings!!! But so many guys don't understand that.
DeleteI hope they will. but I'm not very optimistic...
ReplyDeleteI don't take any responsibility for the actions of others who just happen to share a demographic with me (male, Catholic, whatever), but I am sometimes embarrassed by their behavior. Less so when they are not my relatives. :D
DeletePeople (not only guys) of all ages are just idiots sometimes and unfortunately, at times there's nothing you can do except for learn a valuable lesson from their mistakes and move on. Avoid idiots Rick :)
ReplyDeleteThat's a great goal, but I may need some pointers from you on how to achieve it. Today it was my turn to be an idiot, but in my case it was me expecting others to be ethical. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't take a turn at being the type of idiot you meant.
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