"I have to be home in 30 minutes, I better leave."
"We need to go, we're meeting X for dinner."
"I better run, I have a meeting in 5 minutes"
When I hear people say such things, I expect them to go. But in my circle of family and friends, they almost never do. Instead they start a new chapter in the conversation. I almost never enjoy that new chapter, regardless of the topic.
I find myself wondering why the person made a big deal about needing to leave, if, in fact, they do NOT. If they needed to leave, they would, right??? Nope! They DO need to go, they just don't. And when they're late getting wherever they should be, they'll probably blame YOU!
Something along the lines of, "Sorry I'm late, I couldn't get away from Rick."
The blame used to annoy me, but I've come to expect it. What does bug me a little is when I tell someone I have to leave for a meeting (or whatever) and they try to delay me. Politely, I don't let that happen--time doesn't stand still just because someone wants to chat. When I say I have to go, I really have to go (hmmm, that doesn't sound right)--but not in an abrupt, rude way...just a normal goodbye.
This first became a "thing" for me at my in-laws house, when I first started dating my wife (@15). When her aunts/uncles visited, it would take them an hour to leave after first saying they needed to. It annoyed me. So when I suspected the visitors were about to start the goodbye process, I'd go to their basement. When I heard the front door open, I'd return to say goodbye. After the 3rd time, my wife figured out what I was doing--and started joining me. :)
Are you more like me or are you one of THEM (the people who talk about needing to leave, but don't)?
The Goodbye Process:
"It's getting late, we better leave", but start a new conversation.
"We really need to hit the road", start another conversation.
"I guess we should get our coats", and another conversation.
Get the coats, start another conversation.
"Oh, we're going to be late", put on the coats, start another conversation.
Walk to the door, start another conversation.
Grab door handle, start another conversation.
"Goodbye, see you soon." FINALLY!!!
I am like you, whe I say I must go, it means I really do have to go. And if someone starts a new chapter when they've announced they have to go, I help them get ready....
ReplyDeleteHere's your hat, what's your hurry...
DeleteLOL, I think that used to be an common expression--I think I heard it in an old movie, maybe one of the "Road to..." films with Hope and Crosby. :)
i know it'll take time to really leave so i figure out what time i need to go and start the good-bye process 30mins earlier LOL
ReplyDeleteVery smart! Maybe that's what my wife's uncle was doing all those years ago. Now I see if I'd liked them, it wouldn't have been annoying. It was very annoying. :)
DeleteIs there a category for people who need to leave but sometimes don't know where to begin b/c they don't want to ruin whatever awesomeness is going on?? B/c that would be where I'd fit in. :P
ReplyDelete(Ha!)
Awesomeness should never be cut short! This post helped me realize I only get annoyed when: 1) I want the other person to leave; or 2) I need to go and the other person doesn't respect that. I have a co-worker who tries to practice "the art of war" by delaying ("let me ask you just one question")people when he knows they need to be somewhere. As I'm walking away I suggest he e-mail me.
DeleteMe and my friends do that, "yeah i should really go...so what do think of blah blah blah?" and it becomes a 20 minute conversation. I guess good company causes this! =)
ReplyDeleteTHAT is the key! The examples I was thinking of all involved people I wanted to leave...couldn't wait for them to leave! When it's people I like, I'm happy for the encounter to continue...so it doesn't seem like they're over-staying.
Deletelol, funny how the same situation can feel so different depending on the company.
I am not a goodbye delayer... if I say I'm leaving, I leave. But I have friends who do that, they take forever to leave after they say goodbye, haha. But it doesn't really bother me that much, which is weird because things like this WOULD bother me. :)
ReplyDeletexo, Yi-chia
Always Maylee
I've decided that, as with so many things, whether it's annoying or not depends on if you like the person or not. I work at treating everyone the same, but it can be a challenge (with some people). :)
DeleteMy family is like this! Kh could attest to this and you 2 could sit down and chat about this.
ReplyDeleteIt is always so difficult to leave my parents' place coz everyone just wanna talk to me. And sometimes we would even stand at the door to talk coz they would just keep talking and talking.
KH and I could have a long conversation while your family and my KH's family say goodbye. LOL!
DeleteI burst out laughing at this and kh just asked me why.
DeleteLOL, I'm just like you! I spend the entire new chapter thinking "why don't you just GO?!", and of all the things I could be doing instead of talking bull time away. [sighs]
ReplyDeleteHaha! The worst thing (one of the worst) a co-worker can do is ask if I have 2 minutes to answer a question. 5 minutes later I'm amused that it wasn't 2 minutes. 15 minutes later I'm annoyed.
DeleteEspecially with a kid, when I have to go, I start the motions, gathering up things, getting coats, etc. because I know it's going to take some time to wrangle him. If it's someone else who has to go, I just gently lead them to the door, and in general keep silent or small talk, all the while walking toward the door. If you say you gotta go, I take it as your word. See ya!
ReplyDeleteThat's a great approach. I've gotten pretty good at walking people out of my office at work. I wonder if they realize I'm doing it to get them out (it's okay if they do). I usually that that opportunity to vists the men's room to wash my hands and splash a little cold water on my face. They may just think I drink too much water during the day. :)
DeleteI'm like you, but since I'm married now I cannot do such things or else it'll be considered extremely rude...so I just have to go through the motions...how saddening...and frustrating at times...
ReplyDelete<33 Rena
It's harder with family. During some of our visits to my dad, he practically ignored us (me, wife, kids). But was soon as we headed for the door, he'd suddenly want to talk. I think most of our conversations took place in his kitchen, by the back door.
DeleteI'm the bad one who always cuts the off with a cheerful - GOODBYE! I feel bad about it... sometimes :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes you feel bad about it or sometimes it sounds cheerful??? I'm giessing if there are times it does not sound cheerful, those are also times you don't feel bad about it.
DeleteWhen we have to do something or be somewhere by a certain time, the clock doesn't stop just because someone else gets an impulse to chat. No magic time!!! :)
I usually know what time I have to leave and if it happens to be earlier than others, I kinda give a heads-up beforehand, like maybe an hour before. So if there's any conversation I should be a part of, it should happen before my last hour. Then I skedaddle!
ReplyDeletehahaha I haven't really experienced that much, but I know what you mean! I get that a lot with my family, but on the phone where someone will say Oh, I had better let you go, it's getting late, and then continue talking for another half an hour!! Now I just budget that time in when I call them :p
ReplyDeleteGREAT POST:)
ReplyDeleteYour blog is so lovely..do you have twitter or fb??
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Have a great day dear:)
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