Learning Your Limits

As a teenager I had two really unfortunate experiences with alcohol. I’m still waiting for the 3rd.  I'm not a teetotaler, but I rarely drink. Between school, working, getting married young, and starting a family I rarely had time. But I do have two good drinking stories and I’d like to share my favorite.

When I was 19, a friend of a friend rented out the 2nd floor of a bar for a private party. At that time I'd only had beer. Since we were going to a bar I wanted to order a real drink--without embarrassing myself. I consulted my older brothers and they suggested I order Black Russians. Vodka and Kahlua. The first one was great and so was the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. I don’t know how many I had. But I remember I thought the waitress was moving slowly so I went to the bar and bought 2. I walked back to our table, started to sit down, and that’s the LAST thing I remember until waking up in my bed the next day.

I couldn’t remember how I got home. My ribs hurt and I’d had this weird dream that I was trapped inside somewhere, banging to get out, and that something was poking me in the back. I looked outside and thankfully my car was NOT in the driveway. That was a relief. It was probably still parked where I met my friends the night before. I showered and then made the 4 mile walk to the car. After getting my car I drove to my buddy Pete’s house. He greeted me with “you’re alive???” and he kept his distance. He kept backing away and circling like we were going to start boxing. I asked what he was doing. He said he thought I might be mad about last night. When I told him I didn't remember anything he started to laugh. At that point our friend Steve drove up. Pete said he would explain, but first he wanted me to pretend I was mad at Steve. I agreed.

As Steve walked towards us I glared at him. He stopped out of reach. He looked very nervous and finally said, “I don't want any trouble. I’m sorry, but someone had to do it and I'd do it again!” I tried to continue looking angry, but I started laughing and admitted I had no idea WHAT he was talking about. Steve was shocked. Then they told me what happened. I don’t know if they told me the truth, but it’s what they told me.

Apparently I did not pass out. My friends managed to get me into the car at the end of the night, but I was not very cooperative. I kept trying to open the car door to get out--I wanted to be alone and walk home. Finally they stopped the car and I hopped out, starting the walk home. They drove ahead of me and pulled over. All four got out to try to get me back in the car. I was feeling anti-social and kept knocking them away. Steve got the idea to open the trunk. At one point the four of them had a hold of me in front of the trunk, but I threw them off. The next time they managed to corral me, Steve punched me in the face. I started laughing and they were able to stuff me in the trunk--it was huge. As they started the drive home I began hitting the trunk lid (the lousy tire jack was poking me in the back--that wasn’t a dream after all).

Halfway home I stopped making noise. My friends were worried something was wrong and they pulled over to check on me. That was nice, but a big mistake! As Steve unlocked the trunk I popped out like a Jack-in-the-Box and ran into the woods. They followed and cursed when I jumped head-first into a pond. As I was swimming to the other side, they decided to circle around on the bank. I got to the other side first and continued my run. They lost sight of me, but then heard me yell a long “aaaaahhh” followed by a loud crash. In the dark I had run straight off a small cliff and I landed on the roof of a shed (hurting my ribs). My friends scampered down and retrieved me--supposedly just as the property owner had come out onto his back porch with a shotgun, yelling “who’s out there???”. I was easier to handle after the fall and they took me home.

Did they tell me the truth or were they teasing me? All I can say in response to that question is that my clothes from that night were still soaking wet (and ruined) the next day. I developed a terrible case of poison ivy and my ribs hurt. And there was the “dream”. I’m sorry to say that all of the evidence backs up their story. I didn’t drink vodka again for YEARS after that experience!!! Did I learn my lesson? I wouldn’t say that exactly. I was young and trying something different. Let’s say I learned my limit--and that too much vodka is dangerous!

 

The two times I had too much to drink (vodka was involved both times) I was very lucky...the worst thing that happened was that I didn't know how I got home and I couldn't confirm or deny any stories about those nights. May all of you be as lucky!!! I selected the picture above because I was a dancing fool that night!