I remember seeing an interesting little cartoon in a magazine when I was a teenager. It showed parents bringing a newborn baby home--and then the dad taking off the top of its head so he could cram thoughts and values into the kid's brain. In the cartoon they were all bad (racism, sexism, hatred, etc.).
Kids do absorb the values/attitudes around them as they grow up. But hopefully the majority is good and as they gain life experience they're able to eventually decide for themselves what to keep from those early lessons. And hopefully they never stop learning, evolving.
So if I channel my parents/grandparents/whoever in a bad way, that's on me. And if I rebel against what they taught simply for the sake of rebellion, that's on me too. Regardless of our path in life, as adults we are responsible for how we conduct ourselves, our opinions, how we define right from wrong, how we treat others, etc..
We are responsible.
In an upcoming post I'm going to share my views on an item from the news. Maybe several. My views lean towards the old-fashioned (not all of them)--all those years living with my grandparents. But they are my views. I've had time to edit and shape them over the years and hopefully that will continue. If you find yourself agreeing with me, great. If not, that's great too. Perhaps I can learn something from you!
Definitely children absorb SO MUCH from their parents. I've become so aware that my son reacts/acts just like me in situations in which he is unhappy - angry, explosive, emotional. Thus, I am trying to curb my reactions to situations and to him. Hopefully we can curb this behavior early on. Nevertheless, I agree 100% that we must decide what to do with all the stuff they've given us. We are definitely responsible for our own actions and should not blame anyone for them.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting to see that in our kids. My wife stayed home with the kids when they were little and I worked 18 hour days. As a result they picked up a disproportionate share of her reactions/habits. But I'm in there too.
DeleteI'm looking forward to reading your post on the news item, Rick. I think as children grow up and move into adulthood they are definitely responsible for the ideas and values they hold. But I also think that is they stay within the circle they grew up in it is going to be very difficult for them to change the beliefs and values they were instilled with.
ReplyDeleteYou're right. And I have great sympathy for those who "don't know any better"...and then I wonder in what ways I'm that person who doesn't know any better. The sympathy drops way off if the person's beliefs end up hurting someone.
DeleteI was just talking to my sister about this, how our parents influenced us in so much more ways than we think just by watching them and how they treat eachother and how they treat others.. even simple things such as nagging at us for certain things
ReplyDeleteIt's scary. I have channeled my dad a few times and regretted it (I had to apologize later). But then again, I've also channeled him at times and been really glad I did.
Deleteha, too true. all of it. but we do dump a lot of shit on kids. and I wonder how much of it they can deal with and how much simply sticks. speaking from my own experience as much as from seeing monsieur raise his kids. make me glad I'm not a parent.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was much younger, I thought sexism, racism, etc. would end as the older generations died off. I was so naïve. I didn't take into account all of the dumping. I am still hopeful that things will improve, but don't believe we'll ever be completely free of it.
DeleteThat sense of responsibility is exactly how I was raised. Regardless of what influences you've had, you are ultimately responsible and must do right by that premise. Is that tough love? I've been told that I think I'm tough but am actually the opposite
ReplyDeleteI have a similar problem. People tell me I'm nice, but I'm really the opposite. :)
DeleteSounds like that will be an interesting post!
ReplyDeleteI always wonder how people who have totally opposite views to the ones they grew up in manage that. It's so hard to NOT be influenced by the biggest influences in your life. I imagine it must take a very strong character to be that way. I think I'm a mix of my parents' values and then my own experiences. Hopefully my future kids will be more enlightened than me some day!
More enlightened that you???
DeleteMaybe those people didn't respect their parents and that naturally pushed them in a different direction. maybe.